Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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