Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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