Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
