don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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