We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
