Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
