This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i think i just lost a toe
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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