tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
