saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
