I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's like God shit irony all over that family
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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