Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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