Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
