it wasn't lemon gatorade
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
