absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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