I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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