we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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