He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
