Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
