You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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