so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
