May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
