dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
