Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
