it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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