a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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