why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
