I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
