Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
