entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
