Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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