it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
