I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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