what day is it and did you see me today?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
