i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
