remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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