Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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