the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
