The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
