As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
