Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
