I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Randomize
