I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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