I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
