You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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