clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
