There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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