Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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