When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
