Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
