There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
