I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize