Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
