It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
