You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
