It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
