No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
