I hate your face
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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