Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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