who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
